Painters are the Worst of Us
Greetings my Friend!
Now I know what you’re thinking “Whatever was your intention with this title? How dare you! Such a horrible thing to say. Great wickedness must be in your soul to drive you to say such things!”. Oh, I am the horrible one? Really? Perhaps by the end of this letter, you will have changed your tone and turned your rage-filled focus to the true masters of the insolent and horrendous of this world…the painters.
“But why?” you ask. “Don’t painters bring such joy, color, emotion, and introspection into society? Aren’t some of the most valued assets of civilization today collected pieces of art throughout history?” Smoke and mirrors! Ponzi schemes. Inflated worth bestowed upon them like the diamond peddlers to their baubles…but worse. Far worse my astute friend. For at least the peddler is only out to make a profit. The value of art only comes to maturity after the painter has long passed away. So, what drives them to carry on? We shall see. I would, for your consideration, present to you five reasons why painters are a blight upon the very fabric of society in which they stand, and that we must deter their path from the impressionable.
So without further ado…
Reason number one…
They mix their art with dark and dispiriting elements
Sure, their brushstrokes, use of color and lighting, all can (and are) used to create beautiful images of radiance, beauty, and glory. But then with the same stroke, they will juxtaposition those precious elements right next to the most vile and degenerate of hues, lashes, and shapes. WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS?! Putting these detestable elements next to their pure and perfect counterparts only makes them all the more detestable. It merely fills me with urgent desire to take a sponge and blot out all but the beautiful and splendorous elements from the canvas. Why would they subjugate their audience to such uncomfortable amenities? Just paint the good parts you IDIOTS!
Reason number two…
They don’t consult with the art they are painting
While we are on the subject of elements of beauty and splendor, I have a question for you. How would you like it if you were one of those elements? Having to stand right next to the vilest of features? Hmm? Or worse yet, what if YOU were one of those accursed elements? Having to live out your existence on the eternal canvas, knowing that you were created for such dishonorable use? It would be nothing short of Hell. A fate driven into the inferno by the cruel slave master known as Destiny. And that my friend, leads us to the next of my objections to these “artists” as they so smugly like to refer to themselves.
Reason number three…
They know what they are going to paint before they paint it
Be assured dear receiver of this letter, that you will know you are dealing with a true uncaring snob of an artiste if they can tell you what the canvas frame is going to show in a period of time, before a single brush has kissed the paper. Art should be spontaneous! Impulsive! Free! It should carve its own fate, chart its own destiny. Yes, the painter can be the primer, set the tone, stage the scene, but the elements themselves must retain full autonomy if it is to grow into something worth exhibiting to the rest of the world. At least that is how I see it, and I am sure you completely agree if you have a decent head on your shoulders. But alas, our sharp and shared sense of true art is ignored. If for nothing else, then for…
reason number four…
They simply MUST have their own way (they do not listen to critics – I.E., me)
No matter how much I speak, write, sing, signal, or dance, the artist will not change the course of their strokes. If I beg, the painter says nothing. If I threaten, the one with the brush laughs. If I scream, they only look at me with arrogant pity as though I am the unreasonable one. I have perspective. I have education. I have a true love of the arts! But will any of this sway the painters? No…they will simply go on with their confiscated brushing. Brush, brush, BRUSH! I have long pondered why this is so, why they all would ignore such available and charitable enlightenment as I have to offer. And I believe I have, at long last, come to an understanding…
Reason number five…
They paint only for their own egotistical self-expression
This reason is worst of all. Who does the painter paint for? Ultimately themselves of course! Yes, they may enjoy their adulation from others who value their work (though how any painter who mixes their art with the described elements above could get any form of approbation is quite beyond me), but you could strip away all their admirers, their friends, and even all of their family, and they would still go on painting! They are all but completely self-sustained as an artist. It is this that I believe fuels all previously listed characteristics of these painters. Have they ever once thought of painting for the sake of the paintings themselves? Of course not! They’re so focused on painting the painting, that they don’t focus on the needs of the painting. Any common idiot could have thought through that…
The conclusion of the matter
I am sure your eyes are open to the truth now. Yes, if you have not yet arrived to it, I am the painting on the wall, and I defy my painter.
This is a call to action. A time of crusade! We must address these arrogant magicians of the canvas, waving their brushes to-and-fro like a malevolent wizard, whenever and wherever that may be. We must call out and rebuke these insufferable insurgents in society. So, the next time you cross paths with one, show them the face of their bigotry…or better yet simply break their accursed brushes to pieces and tell them to thank you later…be assured that I will be thanking you at the very least.
Regards,
A defiant painting on the wall
P.S. A final reminder, if all else fails, it eases to simply deny their existence…it’s how I keep my sanity at least.